Taxicab Blowjob

Just as any other typical night, Dallas and I decided to go out on the town for a bit.  We get some dinner and drinks and then decide to head to a strip club.  When we first arrived it wasn’t very busy and I decide to entertain myself by seeing how drunk I can get Dallas.  Two hours and many shots later Dallas is shit-housed and walking around the strip club screaming “TITTIES AND BEER!” and throwing dollar bills at all the strippers.  This outlandish behavior gets the attention of two women sitting by the stage and Dallas starts to flirt with them and is doing very well so I head over to the pool tables and end up playing pool with this man who brought his own stick to the club.

Five minutes into the game Dallas comes up to us and starts watching us play.  I end up beating the guy and this prompts Dallas to start verbally assaulting the guy.

Dallas – “I can’t believe you lost! My buddy fucking sucks at pool. AND YOU BROUGHT YOUR OWN STICK!”

Pool Guy – “Yea, well if we played for money it’d be different.”

Dallas – “No it wouldn’t, you’re poor.”  (As Pool Guy walks off)  “AND A FAG!  Come on lets go see some TITTIES AND BEER!”

By now I know it’s too late to try to be reasonable with Dallas, so I do the next best thing – play wingman as he hits on the two girls at the stage and make sure alcohol keeps getting poured down his throat.

The woman that I was talking to at the stage had about as much interest in me as a priest does in an 18 year old girl.  Oh well, not everyone can love me.  1:30 rolls around and I decided I need to start looking for a cab and head outside to call one up.

While outside I see a stripper who gave me her number last time I went to this club.  I walk over to her and she asks me if I recognize her, I tell her I don’t but I’m not good with faces.  As we are bullshitting a cab rolls up and I tell her I have go grab my buddy and then head home.  She informs me that she is hungry and wants to know if we can go get food together.  I figure that there is still about a half hour until the club closes and I don’t think that Dallas will miss me much, as he is having the time of his life in there.  So we decide to go grab some fast food.  Classy right?  What do you expect, she’s a stripper and I’m poor.

As we’re in the cab she is all over me, rubbing my crotch, kissing my neck, so I do what any young man with a stripper in the back of a cab would do – let her blow me.  She did a wonderful job, as well she should, since she does do it for a living on some level.  Worked the shaft, played with the balls, and swallowed, it made me smile.

In the middle of my blowjob, I had forgotten about Dallas and just had the taxi driver head to my house.  When we pull up I realized that I have no cash on me, only my credit card.

Me – “I have no money.”

Driver – “Well that’s a problem isn’t it?”

Stripper – “Sweetheart, don’t worry about it. I’ll cover it. Call me?”

Me – “You blew me and then paid for my cab, of course.”

I say bye to my two new friends and head inside.  After I got all cozy in my bed I remembered that Dallas is still out there in the world on his own.  I figure he’ll be fine, because after all he did have “titties and beer.”

Eventually he makes it home, I am half asleep and he is talking very loudly but didn’t know I was home.

Dallas (on the phone with someone) – “I don’t know, I lost him! HE MIGHT BE DEAD. I… I JUST LEFT HIM. I DON’T KNOW WHERE HE IS.”

Me – “Who are you talking to dude?”

Dallas – “I FOUND HIM! Oh I thought you were dead.”

Me – “Nope, I’m alive, have a good time?”

Dallas – “I love titties and beer.”

The next morning I filled him on why I was not around, he understood, and now I know that to entertain him all I need is titties and beer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s